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CENTER SECTION: MULTIGENERATIONAL MINISTRY
You might be wondering why I would begin an article on ministry to families with young children with such a story, but I believe there is an underlying sentiment, held by a majority of parishioners in most parishes, that children, infant to kindergarten, have a very limited place in church. We’ll tolerate them for the first Mass on Christmas Eve and at baptisms which take place outside of Mass. Other than that, most parishioners prefer any ministry to “that age group” to happen away from the rest of the faithful. While I think there is an important ministry exclusively to and with young families, I believe that as long as parents of young children feel that when the adult community is present for an assembly it’s preferred that the young ones be segregated or even left home, evangelizing that segment of our population will be very difficult. Knowing that at some time all infants and young children can be unpredictable, disruptive, and distracting, parents tend to stay away from those places where owners and leaders expect young children to be perfect. The first question we have to ask ourselves honestly, as pastoral ministers, is whether or not our parish is one of those places. If the answer is yes, then any initial success we achieve in reaching out to young families will eventually result in a dead end. I would like to suggest a three-step plan for those who honestly feel they have a strong enough conviction for ministry to this age group. Step One:
It’s All About Vision In order to do this, I believe the entire leadership of the parish needs to be on board. For example, is the phrase “intergenerational” or “young families” included anywhere in the parish vision or mission statement? Is there agreement within staff and leadership councils that we need to be in relationship with these families before their children reach the age for the Catholic or public educational system? These are not easy questions. There are many who believe that children at an unpredictable age should not be included in the “regular life” of the parish. Funerals, weddings, Sunday Eucharist, and the hallways of the parish center may have no room for young children and their parents. I will never forget working with one parish in its evangelization efforts toward young families. They agreed that equipping both the men’s and women’s bathrooms with changing tables sent an important message about recognizing one of young families’ practical needs. After the changing stations were installed and their presence announced in their bulletin, I paid another visit to the parish. On entering the men’s room I saw an 11” x 17” laminated sign which read, “It is rude and disrespectful to leave diapers in the trash. Please take them with you!” A short investigation turned up the fact that the pastor’s secretary, not in agreement with the outreach, came in one Monday morning to an “offensive smell” and posted the signs. I told the pastor that whatever positive steps were done with the changing tables, the signs were clearly sending the opposite message. To show how important it is for everyone in leadership to be involved, at the next staff meeting, a brilliant compromise was reached. Another secretary, with a daughter who has a young family, suggested that they install a shelf next to the changing tables and include a few diapers, wipes and a box of sealable plastic bags above which was written, “For used diapers.” Problem solved!
Although I have grown to appreciate the beginning of Matthew’s Gospel as a theological perspective for Christmas and the Incarnation, these families have come to hear the familiar “story” found in Luke’s Midnight Mass Gospel and I believe that’s what we should give them. We must move from the familiar to the unfamiliar if we are going to engage this demographic. “Go Tell It on the Mountain,” “Silent Night,” and “Joy to the World” work just fine for music. I know some parishes that effectively use a picture of Santa praying in front of the Nativity scene to show where the final and important focus for Christmas needs to be. In our parish, we have a room off the church with sound from the church and set up with quiet toys like blocks and stuffed animals. When we do the welcome at the beginning of Mass, we make it clear how excited we are that so many young families are with us and while we hope that they can remain with us in the main body of the church, we realize sometimes the parents need a break with their children. If that becomes the case they are welcome to use the side room. That first Mass is a command performance for our entire pastoral staff. Everyone is welcoming and ministering to those families at that Mass. Children’s Liturgy of the Word, nurseries, and well-trained children as lectors and music ministers are just some of the other ways parishes are effectively reaching out every Sunday to this age group. I think it needs to be said that while no one wants to ignore the working parent, the combination of time pressures, guilt, and exhaustion make it very difficult to “gather” the working parent on any kind of regular basis. Some parishes have built small playgrounds on the church property at which these families are welcome, and have “playground volunteers,” parents with grown children, who spend time at the playground on Saturdays and Sundays in good weather in hopes of engaging the young working parents in dialogue. Step Three:
The Ungathered Approach Those of you who are familiar with the Small Christian Community approach will recognize that grouping these families into SCC’s could be the greatest gift we could give to them and to the church. One young father of three, who is currently in a Small Christian Community with five other young families in the parish, had this to say: “My SCC is the most significant thing in our life right now. We pray together, socialize, baby-sit each other’s kids, do service projects together with our children, celebrate each other’s anniversaries, and go to church events together. The main way we nourish our lives, outside of the Sunday Mass, is through our SCC.” I have a dream that someday we will figure out helpful ways to use the Internet with this demographic. No doubt some have already begun! What about chat rooms with a trained family minister from the parish or parish-based Web bulletin-boards where ideas can be shared for Christian parenting? How about regional e-mail sharing for Catholic parents who have lost a child? The list could go on and on. Just the Beginning
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I remember the moment well. I was at a friend’s wedding and her three-year-old nephew was the ring bearer in the procession. He was in a cute little tuxedo with saddle shoes that were just a little too big for him. After walking all the way down the aisle like an angel he reached the first step of the sanctuary, where the priest was standing waiting for the bride, calmly slipped off his shoe and proceeded to throw it, hitting the priest squarely in the chest. Before the child’s mother could run from her pew, the priest had handed the shoe back to the boy, only to have him throw it again, fortunately missing the priest’s head. At the reception which followed, I must have heard more than a dozen people say something like, “That is why three-year-olds don’t belong at weddings.”
Step Two:
The Gathered Approach
